The Kissing Game
by Jinn-Jinn
Summary: Miss Sprinkle of glitter, Louise Pentland has three dates for Valentine's Day. Oh what's a poor girl to do? Especially when each boy has a motive.
1. Author's Note

I lost a bet. This will be the first and last time I write a youtuber fanfiction. I looked for something with Louise Pentland and I found nothing. Fine, I wrote my own. It's just some romance. I'm sure you can handle it.

This is dedicated to Louise and all the other girls with dangerous curves who deserve all the romance in their lives. :-)


	2. Boys, Boys, Boys

"I liiiiikkkkkeee the waaaayyyyyy," Louise sang as she folded up the laundry, "You kiss me when we're playing the kissing game!"

The year had proven to be quite a busy one for Louise Pentland and she had to admit she was secretly grateful. If her daughter wasn't grabbing her attention, it was the cats, if it wasn't the cats, it's her vlog, if it's not her vlogs, it was her fashion line. It was all so positive and delightful that not even the looming threat of another pairless Valentine's Day could bring her down. Of course she was going to be pairless again this year without even Darcy to perk her up since it was Matt's turn to have her and she wouldn't dare take away Darcy's daddy time just because mummy feared feeling lonely.

'Well, best think about what to do then, hm?'

"You keep me looking forward to another day, babaeeee!" She crooned as her phoned blared out music. Just as she was going to break out into the next line her phone rang unexpectedly. Mildly pursing her lower lip, she looked and suddenly grinned at the ID of the caller.

"Dan! Hey!"

"Hi hi! Whatcha doin'?"

"Playing the kissing game." She teased as she folded the last of Darcy's little shirts.

"What?"

"Kidding."

"Oh, kay, listen, what are your plans for Valentine's Day?" Dan asked.

"Probably a hot date with Netflix finished off with a sexy make out session with a pint of ice cream."

Dan snorted, "Wow, jealous. Anyway, how would you like two fun filled dates on Valentine's Day?"

Louise paused and an elegant brow quirked up. "Wha?"

"Hear me out. Phil and I want to take you out on Valentine's Day for a fun, fabulous, frivolity with not just one, but TWO free meals on us. I will take you out for a sexy lunch and Phil will take you out for a slightly less sexy dinner!"

"Hey!" Phil protested faintly from Dan's end of the phone. Louise smiled impishly.

"That sounds lovely, but I don't understand why."

"Because you're our favorite girl!" Phil interjected and Dan added, "And we're your favorite boys. As such, we should express our love for each other through the time honored tradition of dead vegetation and highly saturated food. What do you say, Louise?"

'Oh her boys, her lovely boys' She thought as she felt herself about to tear up with feelings. "It's a date."

 _LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

 _* Yes, the title is a reference to the Lady Gaga song. I had my Spotify going while I wrote this. And yes, the title of the story is a song too, "I Like the Way (The Kissing Game)" by Hi-Five. Never heard of it? Look it up! That's why God invented Youtube!_


	3. Shit Just Got Difficult

Joe Sugg was having a crappy day so far. He woke up far too early than he'd like and his big ol' foot landed on an important piece of video equipment, so if he wanted to continue vlogging he had to haul himself over to the nearest shopping center and replace it.

He had other plans today. Important plans. Very important plans of romantical nature that he was going to launch today. He had built himself up for these plans and it took him a bloody fucking year to make this decision. He would like to say that he wanted to do this a year ago, but that would be a lie. He had been wanting to do this for a few years now, but back in those days it would have been very inappropriate to do something given that circumstances made it impossible.

He couldn't quite put his finger on when he started to really like Louise. It certainly wasn't in the beginning when he was a bean pole of a teen with a total sexual fixation on Mila Kunis. Louise at the time was just Zoe's friend and he had found her amusing. Afterwards as he grew, (somewhat), he became as protective of her as he was his sister. She had always been kooky, slightly klutzy, but still bright, pretty, sparkly and elegant. A real lady. It was only after he went to go visit her after having Darcy did he feel a shift in his insides. He didn't know a woman could look so beautiful than the way she did when she was with her little girl. Louise glowed with life, she laughed with abandon, wept with no remorse and it moved Joe in a manner that went beyond the sensual.

His plan has been long in the making, waiting for the right moment, because if he fucked it up with Louise it would make everything awkward not just for them, but for those in their inner circle as well.

Speaking of inner circle, Joe spied with his little eye a pair of unnecessarily tall dark haired men, one in trademark black and the other in a brilliant purple space printed jacket. They seemed to be scrutinizing between a pair of headphones.

Finding them outside of their flat was rare, so something must be up to have them up and about town. "Hey, looking for His and His matching headphones?" He teased.

"Ha, ha, ha. Funny." Dan deadpanned. "We're looking for a gift for Louise."

"A bit early for her birthday, innit?" Joe asked, curious.

Phil smiled. "No, it's for Valentine's Day. We're trying to find her something nice like these." He showed them the headphones. One was white and gold; the other a soft pink and gold.

"You two always given her a gift then for Valentine's?" He asked, getting suspicious.

"No, it's just that we're taking her out for the day." Dan explained as he plucked a blue headphone over his head. "Actually, I'm taking her out for lunch. Phil is taking her out for dinner!" He almost shouted as he started swaying to the music.

"Wait, the both of you are taking her out for Valentine's Day?" Joe asked, his stomach flopped.

"Yes." Phil replied sincerely, then leaned in close and whispers conspiratorially. "Though honestly it was Dan's idea. He fancies her more than I do, but that's just my theory."

"What are you saying?" Dan half shouted, eyeing them suspiciously. Phil smiled innocently and Joe looked ready to swallow his tongue.

"I said we should get her the pink and gold one. Fits her style much better!" Phil lied, holding up said headphones. "Unless you want to go back and get her that ring?"

Ring? Joe's thick brows shot up. "What ring?"

"It's a round shiny thing you put on your finger."

Joe briefly wondered how many subscribers he would lose if he choked Dan right now. "Or in your case, a round shiny thing you would put on Phil's finger." He retorted sarcastically.

"Really? Shall we talk about Caspar?" Dan replied smartly. " .Black."

Phil stared at his hands briefly. "I'm not much of a ring person; too much accessories."

Both Dan and Joe glanced at him, then at each other. "You can't take her out for Valentine's Day. I was going to ask her out."

"Well, you can't cuz we're taking her out." Phil said, then smiled. "Oh! Take her out for breakfast!"

Joe frowned. "Nobody takes a girl out for a Valentine's breakfast!"

Phil frowned right back. "Why not? It's the best meal of the day."

"He has you there, Joe."

"Yeah, nothing says romance like a side of bacon." Joe retorted.

All three men paused at the thought and suddenly exchanged nods of reluctant agreement.

"Look, Joe, I know you want to be nice, but Phil and I called her first. We love Louise just as much as you do and we want to make sure she doesn't have another lonely night posting videos."

He grimaced in disapproval and fought to urge not to stamp him foot. "Guys, c'mon-"

"Nope." Dan said and wagged a finger at him. "Not happening."

 _LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

* _Some writers just write whatever comes to mind. I do research. Tons of research. It took weeks of watching Dan, Phil and Joe videos to get the voices right. I didn't want to stereotype them or shove words into their mouth that is probably not in their lexicon. These guys are the ones, in my observation, are the sweetest and most comfortable around Louise. Yeah, there's Marcus and Caspar, but Caspar is HELLA young and I don't know enough about Marcus._


	4. Dan, the Whale Testicle

"Fuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkkiiiiiiinnnnnn HELLL!" shouted Joe as he barreled his way into Caspar's home. The blonde didn't even flinch as his best friend ripped his coat off, flung it across the room and began to pace.

"Missed you too." He said as he tapped away at his laptop.

"For my next prank, I'm putting hair removal gel in Dan's shampoo and take pleasure in watching it come off in clumps!" Joe announced. "Let's see how sexy girls find him when he looks like a whale's testicle! Ruining my plan! Fuck!" He threw himself on the sofa Caspar was on and when he realized that he didn't even have the guy's attention, gave him a hard shove with his foot. "Hey! This is serious, pay attention!"

Caspar yelped, clutching his laptop to him. "What!? Oh! You were serious. Okay, hold on a minute."

He patted around himself then spotted what he was looking for. Joe gave him a flummoxed look as Caspar placed round spectacles without any lenses over his face. "What are those?"

"My thinking glasses. Now," He cleared his throat and assumed a serious face that looked more like Zoolander's Blue Steel, "please continue. Whale's testicle?"

He briefly thought about saying something, but decided to give up and throw his arm over his eyes. "Dan managed to rip himself from his sofa crease long enough to take Louise out for Valentine's Day. Phil too."

"I didn't know Dan was bisexual."

"Okay, that didn't come out clearly. Dan and Phil are taking Louise out for Valentine's Day. Dan for lunch and Phil for dinner."

"Wow, Louise is playing the field."

"No Caspar! THEY asked HER. I think they're trying to cheer her up, but Dan is giving me second thoughts." Joe muttered, dropping his arm so he can cross his chest. "It's bothering me the idea of her with them."

"C'mon Joe, you know they're solid blokes." Caspar said gently.

He heaved a breath and nodded. "Yeah, I know, but they're messing with my plan..."

"You mean for you and Louise? Just take her out another night, Joe."

"It would feel anti-climactic...How do you know about Louise?" He asked, impressed.

Caspar scoffed. "I'm blonde, not stupid."

"Well I'm stupid for taking too long and assuming that no one else'd be looking." Joe sighed. "What am I gonna do?"

"Talk to Dan; maybe you can make him see that you're not shitting around." Caspar shrugged, picking his laptop back up.

"Nah, he's stubborn-"

"What about Phil?"

"Phil?"

 _LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

 _I had to add Caspar, I mean c'mon, everyone needs a little Caspar in their life. I know he can be a bit of a blonde, but I didn't want to make him THAT blonde. He has managed to get interviews with some really stellar actors and that requires some cleverness._


	5. Kung Fu: Bridget Jones Style

"Phil!"

"That's me! What's up?" Phil asked as he moved to let Joe in.

Joe quickly hustled inside and didn't waste time, but got to the point. "I want to take Louise out to dinner for Valentine's Day. What do I have to do to make you bow out?"

"No, I am taking Louise out. I already got reservations and I ordered her a really nice spray of roses; pink with sparkly things. "He said wiggling his fingers. "She's one of my best friends, I have the right to show her a good time."

"I'm not saying you don't have the right to show her a good time and I know she appreciates it, but please, I need to take her out. She doesn't come to London enough what with Darcy and everything and I want to do this. I am ASKING you Phil to please let me do this." Joe said sincerely.

He wrapped his arms across his chest and looked at him thoughtfully. "Why? You haven't given me a solid reason why, Joe."

"That is private and none of your business." Whatever confession he was going to make was going to be for Louise's ears first.

"You're not gonna prank her, are you?" Phil asked looking mildly offended.

"Wha? NO! No, not even remotely thinking of pranking her!" exclaimed Joe looking completely offended. "Phil take her for breakfast."

"No." said Phil.

"Phil."

"No."

"Phil!"

"No!"

"Phil!"

"Phil!"

"What?"

"Sorry, meant to say no."

"Jeezus!" Joe slapped his forehead and suddenly nodded his head in greeting. "Hey Dan."

Phil turned around and that was a mistake, because the next thing he knew he had a Joe shaped monkey on his back. Yelping in shock, Phil tried to shake him off.

"Get off!"

"Not until you say YES!" Joe gritted out, hanging on tight.

Phil jumped around and tried to shake him off. "Why are you so heavy!?"

"Say yes you albino giraffe!" He hollered as he was violently swung back and forth.

"No!"

"I need to see Louise!"

"Skype her!"

"No! It's important!"

"If it was important you would've told her ALREADY!" Phil grunted tripping and accidentally slamming Joe up against a wall.

"Fuck! My balls! WHOA!" Joe shouted as Phil staggered and slumped them both awkwardly on the couch with the taller man landing completely over him. He tried to roll off of Joe, but the other man still had a death grip on him and he kicked his limbs futilely like a turtle on its back.

They huffed and puffed until Joe muffled from the back of Phil's head. "I want to be serious...I...fancy Louise."

"What?" Phil squeaked and tried to roll around again only for Joe to start shouting.

"Off! Off! Jeezus, you weigh a bloody ton, mate! What you eat your own weight in cereal?" He groaned as Phil finally got off him. He rolled to the side and clutched his crotch. "Shit, I need to see if I still have my balls!"

Phil collapsed onto the floor and stared at Joe in awe. "You and Louise?"

Assured that his twig and berries were alright, Joe lay back on the sofa. "Yeah, me and Louise? What of it?"

"Nothing it's just...Does Louise feel the same?"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "I think so. I hope so."

"What about Zoe?"

"Zoe doesn't have to worry about it yet."

"It's her best friend." He said in a small voice.

Like he wasn't completely aware of the awkwardness. "Phil, I want to make a good impression on Louise. I want to show her that I'm serious and I'm ready to become a very important person in her life. Please Phil, give a mate a chance, eh?"

With a plea that sincere, all Phil could do was sigh.

 _LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

 _If you don't know what that title means, go to Youtube and type Bridget Jone's Diary Fight Scene #1 and #2. You'll see where I got my inspiration for this manly display. I don't think Joe would punch Phil for a million pounds, plus who would want to hurt such a care bear of a guy? Saying that, I didn't want Phil to be a complete pushover, hence the scene above._


	6. Threeways Are NOT Fun

"'Lo! Hi Chummy!" Louise said in delight as her best friend's voice came through the line.

"Hey! Got to London alright?" Zoe replied. "Excited for tomorrow?"

"Mm, yes. Just took care of business and now I'm still thinking about what I'm wearing tomorrow." Louise mused as she looked at the dresses strewn over her hotel bed.

"I thought you already chosen your outfits?"

"Well there was a slight change of plans." Louise began to explain. "Phil called me and told me that he was taking me out to a posh breakfast and that dinner would be with Joe."

Zoe, who had been picking over a muffin, suddenly stopped. "Joe?"

"Yes, Joe, can you believe it? Apparently he wanted to do something nice for me too. Isn't he a love? Oh, I got to send you photos of these gorgeous flowers the boys sent me. Phil gave me some pink roses with sparkles. Dan got me these lavender ones with baby's breath and these beautiful velvety red roses with little decorative butterflies from Joe just came in. Three dates for Valentine's Day! I'm almost tempted to vlog tomorrow, but I don't think my followers could handle it." She laughed with glee. "But any way, did you see the dresses I sent you? Which one should I wear for each one?"

"Huh," said the other girl over the phone, a million thoughts going through her head. "Um, definitely the yellow dress for the morning and that cute lavender/pink dress you just got from New York..."

"Yes! The Kate Spade Cotton Candy one would perfect for lunch. As for dinner with Joe, hm, he hasn't even told me where we are going. I don't want to overdo it." Louise mused as she looked between two dresses, one a lacy black and the other a sky blue satin.

"You fancy my brother?" Zoe teased.

"Who doesn't fancy your brother?" She retorted. "Joe's fun. I just hope this isn't him setting me up for a prank."

"He would never! I'd kill him."

Louise smiled. "You're always there to defend my honor. I love you, Chummy! Will you marry me?"

"Absolutely. Call me Zoe Pentland Sugg. I'm sure Alfie won't mind."

"He can call himself Pentland Sugg too, if he'd like." She laughed. "Zoe and Louise Pentland Sugg. I ought to get that monogrammed somewhere. Maybe on my bum."

"Ha!"

* _beep beep_ *

"Oh, it's Joe, hold on." Louise tapped on her phone, "Oh fuck!"

"Nice to hear from you too." Joe replied hesitantly. "Everything alright?"

"Sorry, I accidentally hung up on your sister when I meant to put her on hold. Hi!" She suddenly perked up.

"Hi! Just wanted to let you know that I got the Uber set to pick you up tonight." Joe scratched himself nervously. "Did you get the roses?"

"Yes, they're lovely. All three of you gave me roses and they're beautiful and they smell like heaven. Is the place we're going formal? I'm stuck between dresses." She asked. "Zoe was being helpful, but then we talked about getting married and tattooing Pentland Sugg on my bum..."

Joe barked out a laugh, and grinned smugly at the thought. "Well us Suggs love you, Louise, but you don't have to go as far as that."

"Fine, so where are you taking me, Joe?" She asked again, taking a teasing tone.

If his nerves tremored a bit in excited, well, he was allowed. "Somewhere really nice. If you need a hint, I'm wearing my best suit."

Louise paused, pleasantly surprised. Nice suit? That will get hearts racing. "I guess that will require my best dress."

"All your dresses are the best. You put anything on and you look great."

"Oh Joe! A compliment." Her heart did a little dance as it always does when he did something sweet.

"There will be more I'm sure. Just wait for the Uber at 8:30, I'll text you the info, okay?"

"Kay."

* _beep beep_ *

"Oh wait, that's me." Joe said, slightly annoyed, and then cursed. "Fuck it!"

"Joe."

"Zoe? I hung up on Louise. Dammit! Hold on, gotta text her something important."

"Joe! What are you doing with my best friend?"

Joe groaned. "Taking her out to dinner. What else?"

"You sent her red roses."

"Isn't that the appropriate gift to give a girl on Valentine's?" He countered.

"Yes, if it's for romantic purposes." She retorted. "Are you trying to hook up with Louise?"

"I'm not looking for a hook up!" He protested, then muttered, "I'm serious."

"Joe, she's been with us for years; if you're just playing around-"

"-I'm not! I'm not playing or pranking or doing anything for shits and giggles."

Zoe knew her brother's tone of sincerity when she heard it, but it only brought on more questions. "I never knew you felt anything for Louise."

"It took me a few years to get my head on straight what with looking at so many other girls." Joe admitted. "I'm older now and I'm seeing differently."

"Joe, she might not be into you, you know. Remember that video she did with Marcus-"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember. Look Zoe, I know the risk I'm taking, and I know everything can go to shit, but..." He sighed heavily through the phone and rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. "...I don't want to go on not knowing, you know? You get me?"

Zoe felt torn between the happiness of two people she dearly loved, but truly what could she say against such raw honesty?

"I get you." She said in a soft voice, then strengthened. "But I know Louise. She likes to be comfortable and safe, so if you're serious...Just don't be aggressive, okay? You don't necessarily have the best bedside manner when someone is unhappy."

"You don't know my bedside manner." He teased lightly.

Zoe rolled her eyes. "Joe, I meant it. Be sweet. Promise."

She had every right to be serious and Joe's small smile disappeared. "I'll be sweet. Promise." He murmured into the phone. "Thanks, Zo."

"Wear the black blazer with a white shirt and don't you dare wear your trainers." She advised. "And don't wear a tie."

"I was gonna wear a new pair." He whined.

"No, real shoes, Joe."

* _beep beep_ *

"Shit, I forgot Louise. I was helping her pick out her dress." Zoe groaned and went to put her brother on hold.

"Really? What's she wear-" Suddenly the connection cut off and Joe realized his sister accidently hung up on him. He groaned, admitting defeat and went to obey his sister's fashion advice.

"What happened? Did everybody get butter fingers?" Louise asked at the sound of Zoe cursing at her slip up.

"Apparently so. I just hung up on Joe. Had to convince him not to wear his trainers." She explained.

"Oh well, good. It's hardly romantic to go somewhere posh in trainers." Louise agreed. "But back to my dilemma. Black lace dress or sky blue satin."

"Definitely the sky blue satin." Zoe replied firmly, thinking what a lovely pair her brother and her best friend would look in black and blue. "Speaking of romance...Do you think you're up for it, yet?"

"Romance?" Louise mused and she hung up the chosen dress. "I dunno...maybe...It didn't even occur for me to think any of them would fancy me."

"Why not?" Zoe protested. "You're gorgeous!"

"I'm older, a divorcee and a mum." She countered. "They can have their pick of ladies."

"And they picked you for Valentine's Day." Zoe pointed out. "Even if you don't fancy any of them I hope you're still excited."

"Of course I'm excited. I'm all butterflies!" She giggled, then flushed as she added, "And I won't lie; they all have a special place in my heart already."

Zoe grinned at her best friend's generous nature. "And should one of them want a little more of your heart?"

Louise paused at the thought. Would Phil, Dan or Joe even have a smidge of an ulterior motive for her? A part of her was frightened at the prospect, but another part trembled with anticipation. She glanced over to her roses: one pink with tenderness, another purple with deep affection and the reds with romance. Her stomach fluttered.

 _LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

 _I did look up the meaning of those color, if you want to know. I also poured through tons of pictures of Louise and her fashion taste before I decided what she would wear. I also decided while watching videos of her and watching her interact with all these people that she truly is a pretty, sparkly princess and any guy would be so lucky to have her in their life._


	7. Amazing Phil: What a Man

Valentine's Day.

All that talk of romance made Louise jittery. Fortunately, Phillip Lester was just the right person to cheer her up in the morning. He showed up to her motel wearing a gray blazer with a pale blue shirt with guitar patterns all over it and his usual pair of skinny jeans and trainers. A badly wrapped present was tucked under his arm. Adorable.

With his usual gleeful smile, he took Louise to a nearby little French café where she ordered some delicious crepes and he ordered a usual English breakfast.

"I think I might end up stealing a sausage from you," Louise grinned impishly as he ate with the appetite of a twelve year old boy, "You seem to have plenty to spare."

"Go ahead, I'll just order more." He said, enjoying himself immensely. "You having a good time?"

"Course! Good food with a good friend. An excellent start." She said honestly. "I am curious about the package though." She eyed the box with the hearts all over the wrapping.

"If you want to open it, you can." Phil said, offering her the box. "Hope you like it."

Carefully pushing her plate aside she eagerly unwrapped and gasped at the pretty blush pink Beats headphones. "Oh Phil!"

"Now the next time we have a whispers challenge with Joe, you can wear these."

"Definitely. By the way, how did Joe convince you to trade?" She asked, genuinely curious.

Phil shifted awkwardly and made a face recalling the monkey attack. Plus, he didn't want to give away Joe's true intentions. "Dunno, but he really wanted to take you out for dinner and he knew how much I loved breakfast. It's no big deal really. I just wanted to hang out with you and have a good time, you know? Breakfast, dinner; what does it matter?"

"You are so sweet, Phil. You know that? No wonder all the girls love you."

"You think so?"

Louise stared in disbelief that he could say that. "Phil! Yes!"

"Well, I ask because..." He looked at his plate and shrugged. "Mum's been at me about finding a girl and settling down."

"I've heard similar things like that too." Louise agreed, picking at her meal. "About getting back out and finding someone new. Wait...Phil, is this an actual date?"

His blue eyes widened. "It's not a date! Well, I mean it is, but not like that! I mean I like you and I think you're lovely, but I love you more as a friend, you know?"

"Yes, I do." Louise sighed, a tad relieved. "You're great Phil. You're handsome and sweet and absolutely cuddly. I'm sure if you put your mind to it, you will definitely find some sweet girl who'd be thrilled to have you, but only if you're ready."

Phil nodded. "Yeah, maybe this year I might be ready. Do you think you're ready?"

"Oh, I don't know. Perhaps. A little romance would be nice." She admitted as she plucked the baby yellow skirt.

"Breakfast isn't romantic?" He asked, his eye large and puppyish.

She giggled "From you? Absolutely." She kissed her fingertip and booped it on the tip of his nose.

Phil beamed.

After taking her through a beautiful local garden, Phil took her back to her hotel and finished the date with a kiss on her cheek. With plenty of time to prepare for her lunch with Dan, she took out a notebook and started making a list.

Pros and Cons of Dating Phil

 **Pro**

1\. Tall, dark and handsome

2\. Sweetheart

3\. Gentle and honest

4\. Pretty blue eyes

5\. Steady job

6\. Would never cheat on a girl

7\. Good potential father (stepfather?)

8\. Gives good presents

 **Con**

1\. Has the upper body strength of a puppy

2\. Clumsy (We'd bring the house down and not in a fun way)

3\. Likes to watch horror films (No!)

4\. His eyes are prettier than mine

5\. He might always need to travel (hypocritical?)

6\. He doesn't fancy me

7\. ALLERGIC to CATS!

8\. I'd feel like a child molester

Louise sighed and shut the book up before shrugging out of her white cardigan and flopping down on the bed for a small nap.

 _LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

 _Hmm, I don't think I'm being fair with dear Phil. It was quite hard to find many cons. I'm sure there are a ton of you rabid phan girls who would give their left nipple to settle down with him. Up next, Handsome Dan!_


	8. Danisnotonfire: Oh You Could Mean

Dan came around in the afternoon looking splendid in his standard black. Oh he truly was a handsome devil, wasn't he? The boyish smile and the wicked wink could make anyone's heart flutter and Louise was no exception. She saw a couple of girls giggle at him and she couldn't help but preen as he offered up his arm and whisked her away for Valentine's Day lunch.

He picked a particularly nice place to eat and fortunately nobody recognized them at all. Of course by this time many couples were out and about, more focused on each other than anyone around them.

The conversation between them had always been easy and they dared each other to try food they hadn't had before. When the poached quail egg popped and dribbled down Dan's chin, Louise almost choked trying to smother her laughter. He got his revenge though when she accidentally dragged her hair into their dessert and her wiping it off only made it worse. People were giving them a bit of a stink eye they were laughing and snorting so much, which they were aware of, but were having too much of a good time to care.

"Why didn't I vlog this?" Dan laughed as Louise washed the edges of her hair free of the whipped cream.

"You're terrible, Dan, just the worst." She retorted, a smile fighting its way free from her petulant pout. "It's the last time I go out with you on Valentine's."

"Well if that's the case then I'm just gonna finish this dessert by myself." He said, pulling the treat closer to his side of the table. She quickly reached out and grabbed the other end of the plate. "Don't you dare, Daniel James Howell."

"Oooh! All three names, okay I know exactly what to do to get back into your good graces." He bent down and handed her a cheesy Valentine's gift back. Louise squealed with delight and took a look at the contents. First out came a floral box with a round tag saying "Hello Gorgeous". Lush products!

"Oh Dan! This is perfect, I don't have this!" She grinned, her beautiful green eyes sparkling.

Pleased with putting that smile on her face, Dan said, "There's something else. Go on."

She set the box aside and indeed found another smaller box inside the bag. Pulling it out, she was greeted with the words Michael Kors gleaming at her. Upon opening it, she gasped at the rose gold watch and two matching bangles that came with it. "Dan, it's gorgeous..."

"I thought it was perfect for you, especially because of the name of this set." He revealed. "It's called, Mini Darci Rose."

She was going to cry; she could feel the tears start to gather. "You're going to make me ruin my make-up." She cried a little, dabbing her eyes with the edge of her napkin.

"I thought you'd have something to stop that from happening. Like, I've seen a few make-up artists with a hairspray for your face. Like spackle aerosol."

She barked out a laugh and felt better. "I'm losing weight just laughing with you. I have half a mind of sticking you into my luggage and taking you back with me. I might never have to exercise again."

"Just what you need, two children underfoot." He retorted.

"You think yourself a child, Dan?" She asked taking a sip of her cocktail. "Because I see a very handsome man."

"Mm, maybe I look like a grown man, but still very much a boy on the inside. You know, Phil and I spent most of the night binging on a Pokémon marathon because we couldn't agree on the order in which Ash caught them all?"

"Sounds about right, but you have your moments of maturity. I mean, Phil told me you were the one that thought this up for me, which thank you, by the way, I've been having a lovely so far."

"I like seeing you happy, plus you've been so busy already, so I thought you could use some manly romantical attention." He said pretending to flex his guns. He had none to flex honestly.

"Is this romantic? Are you planning to kiss me later, hm?" She boldly, then her eyebrows shot up in surprise and set her empty cocktail glass aside, deciding that she'd reached her limit.

Dan made a face that resembled a person who just sucked a big lemon. "Would you kill me if I said the thought had crossed my mind?"

If her jaw dropped any lower the butterflies in her stomach would've escaped. "Oh my God!"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Before you freak out, I said I had thought about. It doesn't mean I'm going to, especially if you don't want to." He quickly explained, throwing his hands up.

"I-I don't know if I don't want to." She looked around and shifted in her seat, her head buzzing with possibilities. "Oh this awkward. Oh Dan don't think I don't love you..."

"I know you do and I love you too, but I just want to say that the thought had crossed my mind and I had wondered what it would be like to see you in a more permanent way. Honestly, I became terrified."

She could see he was troubled and immediately she reached out and grasped his hand in comfort. He took the comfort she offered and smiled, feeling braver.

"Want to tell me what scared you about me?" Louise asked gently.

"It wasn't you that scared me, it was the idea of giving myself to someone. See, Phil's mum has been talking to him about girlfriends and marriage and it got me thinking that I'm older, I'm stable, I actually have some friends I could rely on. Perhaps I could look around for a special someone?"

"And you thought of me?"

"You're beautiful, confident, put together and I can be myself around you."

She felt herself blush and looked down sheepishly.

"However the more I thought about it, the more I became scared of losing our friendship. The idea of our friendship going to pots because we dated hurt more than the regret of not dating you."

Understanding dawned on her and she squeezed his hand kindly. "Is that what this was all about? Testing the waters before making up your mind?"

Dan nodded, embarrassed. "Partly, yeah. You're not upset are you?"

"No, actually I'm glad. It makes things clear for the both of us."

The afternoon ended with a few hours at the local arcade. She was eaten by zombies several times over and Dan failed to save her because he was too busy laughing so hard. Typical. They stood out like a sore thumb in their formal wear and maybe a few people might have recognized them, but they weren't bothered. When she and Dan were about to part ways at her hotel he bent down then hesitated and began to draw back. Louise knew what he wanted to do and she smiled at him.

"You can. Just once."

Dan had never been more grateful for her ability to read him. He bent down and kissed her ever so tenderly on the lips.

The butterflies shot straight up to her head and floated ever so prettily. Now she understood why some people lifted their leg during a kiss, because Dan kissed like an angel.

They parted and Dan pulled her into one of those deep, loving hugs that made you feel like you were the most important person in the world to him. "We good?"

Louise nodded, squeezing him tight. "We good."

Once she got to her room, she heaved out a massive sigh and snatched up her notebook.

Pros and Cons of Dating Dan

 **Pro**

1\. Tall, dark and handsome

2\. Incredibly charming

3\. Comfortably awkward

4\. Stable job

5\. Faithful

6\. Doesn't mind babies

7\. Knows how to snog

8\. Makes me laugh

 **Con**

1\. Immature to a certain degree

2\. Addicted to games

3\. Not ready to date

4\. Phil comes with Dan

5\. Possibly not ready to be a parent

6\. Sex might be very weird

7\. Probably won't want to leave London

Louise closed it up and pressed her fingers to her lips. Whatever happened they'd still be friends and she found that incredibly reassuring. On the other hand, she got kissed by Dan Howell and she was now the most envied girl in all of the internet. She whooped and did a celebratory wiggle on her bed.

 _LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

 _Nelly Furtado inspired this title. I hadn't realized I used the word whisk until after I was done. It wasn't on purpose, but I laughed pretty hard once I noticed it. I've noticed that Dan and Louise are more comfortable with each other and I have read comments of them being adorable together. I could kind of see him being curious about a relationship, but I don't think Dan is even remotely ready to grow up yet. By the way, yes there is a Michael Kors watch called Mini Darci Rose and a Lush package called Hello Gorgeous._


	9. ThatcherJoe: Gift to Me Forever

Up next was Joe, who she had to admit she was very curious what he was up to. Dan and Phil made their intentions clear, but Joe was the mystery. He had squirmed himself into their plans, so he must have a reason for wanting to take Louise out. Or perhaps she was reading too much into it? Her mind ran through a million little scenarios as the Uber driver drove her through the London night. Traffic was a nightmare with hundreds of couples out and about trying to get as romantic as possible.

Louise saw Joe before he saw her and admired the effort he had made. He wore a black suit she'd seen on him before with a clean white shirt. While Phil buttoned up and Dan wore a tie, Joe opted to undo the first two buttons of his shirt, revealing a hint of his sharp collarbone and the long line of his neck. He may not have been tall enough to be a model, but he certainly exuded sexual confidence.

Ugh, so handsome.

Meanwhile for Joe, despite looking good, was feeling quite anxious. This was what he wanted and now that he could see Louise's car approach he felt like heaving. He kept remembering his promise to Zoe and he prayed he didn't blurt out something stupid.

"Hey! You're late."

Louise grinned. "Traffic on a Saturday night is what it is, Joe." She climbed out of the cab and smoothed down her dress. She was so distracted with rearranging herself that she didn't realize that she was being stared at.

"My word. You look amazing. Like Cinderella." Joe said smiling as his eyes drank in the top of her perfectly done hair, her silver cardigan, sky blue dress down to her twinkling blue pumps.

There goes the butterflies and they haven't even started the meal. She blushed deeply and let out a nervous giggle, especially since Joe then took her hand and led her into the restaurant.

The placed he picked for them was posh, dimly lit and crowded with other diners. Fortunately they were sat somewhere secluded where no one would recognize them.

With some cocktail for her and some beer for him, they discussed their day. She regaled him with stories of her fashion line, Darcy, then winded down with how each of her earlier dates went.

"Dan kissed you?" Joe echoed.

Louise nodded. "Yup and it was lovely."

"Lovely? Define lovely." He asked scooching up closer. "Like was it lovely like a kiss from your dad or lovely like a kiss from Love Actually?"

"Joe relax, it was just a kiss. Don't go into brother mode." She replied brushing her hair from her face. "Besides it's not going any farther than that."

"I'm definitely not in brother mode and I don't like the idea of anyone, even Dan, just up and kissing you." He retorted, crossing his arms across his chest. "Though out of curiosity why didn't you take him on?"

"Because he didn't want to risk our friendship for something that might not last. I agreed."

Joe swallowed thickly, but didn't go any deeper on the topic. "You're not opposed to dating though are you?"

"You know you're like the third person to ask me that. No, I'm not." She said shrugging. "I just think it might be a bit before someone decides to take me on."

"Why? You're gorgeous."

"You Suggs and your way with words." Louise grinned. "Zoe said the exact same thing and like I told her, I'm a little older, divorced and a mum. Not that many men out there want a woman with a premade family."

"I think if a bloke wants you he'll enjoy everything about you. Besides, age is just a number and who isn't divorced with kids?" Joe countered resting his hand on the table near her own. His fingers twitched ever so slightly and for a moment she wondered if he meant to hold her hand.

"Suppose you're right. Ugh, not looking forward to going through all the frogs until I find the prince." Her fingertips brushed his and he took the bait; his fingers laced with hers.

Joe smirked when she didn't pull her hand away and he didn't know if it was the alcohol or the excitement of how well it was turning out that got him going, but he decided to continue the momentum.

"Um, I got you something. Hope you like it." He reached into his coat pocket and produced two envelops and a small box. "Go on."

She withdrew her hand from the warm comfort of his and eagerly started on the box.

He watched intently as she opened it and she gasped at the gorgeous gold bracelet nestled in crepe paper. It had simple links, but at the end was a dainty heart with little flowers etched on it. It was beautiful.

This was too much. The headphones and the watch was one thing, but this was on another level. This felt intimate. "Joe, I don't understand-"

He realized that she was beginning to realize the deeper meaning of this evening, but before he decided he needed to explain himself he pressed one the envelopes toward her. "Before you ask, look at this. It's for Darcy."

"Darcy?" He got something for Darcy? Instantly she opened the seal with a manicured nail and pulled out an adorable pink note with a gift card to a toy shop, perfect for a little girl, and on it was written: " _Happy Valentine's Day to the prettiest little girl in the world. You must've gotten it from your mum. Love, Joe._ "

She was speechless and Joe had to swallow down the thick lump in his throat. "I didn't think it was fair to exclude her. I know how important she is. Um, you could open the other one now."

Louise's stomach was in knots and her heart was racing a mile a minute. She didn't know if she was more shocked or touched by his obvious affection. She stared at him, hoping to see the familiar glint of mischief that gleamed so naturally in his gray/blue eyes, but there was none to be found. Only a warmth was coming from him that she only saw rarely when he deigned to show tenderness.

With a touch of a tremor, she opened the second envelope, which was another Valentine's card.

In his handwriting, it said:

" _I don't know quite how to say this without you freaking out, but I want you to know that I'm being very honest. I've traveled_ _all over the world, written a book, talked to millions of people, put on make-up, worn a dress and even been slapped with a three foot salmon, but this has to be the most terrified I've ever been. I didn't know how to write it out, so I plagiarized a few lines off the internet to help me explain what I've been thinking about for a while now._ "

 **"I love all the adventures we have together."**

 **"The day we met is a day I will cherish until the end of time. I never feel as happy as I do when you are near me."**

 **"I do not think often, I do not think much, but when I do, I think of you."**

 **"You take my breath away. Always."**

 **"I'm so excited to be sharing our first Valentine's Day together. I hope it's the first of many..."**

 **"Even though Valentine's Day costs a lot more with a girlfriend, you are the one girl in this world who is totally worth it."**

 **"I would consider myself lucky to have a girlfriend who is beautiful, fun, smart, and crazy enough to go out with me."**

At the bottom of it all it said, " _Take a chance on me? Love Joe._ "

Louise had never passed out before, but it was a close thing. Joe had just expressed a desire for a relationship and she didn't know if she was sober enough to handle things maturely, but she was going to try.

"Joe take my hand, I think I'm faint." She gasped and he quickly grasped both her hands, looking at her with obvious concern. Catching her breath at last she looked up at him, her green eyes large and dewy. "This isn't - It's not - because if it is-

"It's not. I meant it. Every word." He promised. He caressed her with his eyes and he wanted nothing more than to gather her up and assure her that it was safe. He knew she did not handle new things well and he had to tread lightly, but he was also determined not to let her escape without the matter being settled.

"I need air. Can we leave?" She asked softly, suddenly feeling stifled.

Joe quickly got up and helped her out of her chair. Gathering her things and her gifts, she stepped outside into the cold London air and took a massive breath while Joe quickly paid the bill.

A part of her wanted to run, run, run as fast as she could back to her hotel room, back further to her home. Gather her daughter and cats and snuggle into the safety of her bed. But this was ridiculous really. How could she handle Dan's confession of affection earlier, but she could not handle Joe's? What was the difference? She even let Dan kiss her! Would Joe want the same? She turned to look at him as he handled the bill, noticed how in control he was, how confident and how the lighting just brought out the plains and angles that made him so handsome. Her stomach knotted again and she realized what the difference was.

Joe was relieved that Louise had not taken off as he had feared. "Let me get a cab. It's cold out."

"Is it? I hadn't noticed."

He quickly hailed one over and got her inside before telling the driver where to go. For a moment he feared the whole ride would be an awkward silence, but then...

"How long have you felt this way, Joe?" Louise asked curling up on her side of the cab so she can face him.

"I kind of always fancied you in a small way, but while you were married I knew I would have to get over it. When you weren't married I thought you wouldn't be up for dating what with Darcy and business and all. When no one seemed to be noticing you I thought what the fuck was wrong with the men of the world and I realized I had run out of excuses, so if I wanted you I finally had to get you."

"We've been friends for so long and Zoe-" She began.

"Zoe knows what I'm up to and she's nervous about it too, but I am not the type of guy to live with regret, you know?" Joe interrupted. "You told me that Dan could live with the regret of never knowing you as a girlfriend. Well I am telling you that I can't. I want to risk it in the hopes that something amazing is going to come out of us being together."

He had never been this serious before and every word sent a thrill up Louise's spine. She'd never been a fool and never was one to rush, but she was drowning in his lovely words and she needed to anchor herself for a moment. Without thinking, she reached out and grasped his hands in hers. His grip was a little damp, indicating his nervousness and she found that comforting.

"I think I've always fancied you a little too, Joe." She admitted shyly, glancing at him through her lashes before returning gaze back down to her lap where their hands intertwined. "You were always handsome, even when you were just Zoe's little brother. But you are so young and flirty and every time you complimented me, I thought it was just you being nice or perhaps you were drunk. Of course, there was Matt and I was completely swept away by him and I forgot you and then the Valentine's video was for shits and giggles. You were living life around the world and I was a full time single mum...and stop looking at me like you want to kiss me, it's very distracting!"

Joe's lips curled into a devilish smile. "I do want to kiss you."

"You're not kissing me in a cab! If you're going to kiss me it better be somewhere much more romantic!" She protested.

He took one of her hands and kissed her knuckle tenderly. "Challenge accepted." He winked.

"Oh no you don't!" She protested, blushing hotly, hoping the driver wasn't listening to all of this. "I haven't decided whether I want to be in a relationship with you."

"Alright then. How about another date? When's the next time you'll be down here in London? Or would you rather I come up to Northampton?"

Louise blinked. "You'd come to Northampton?"

"Relationships require commitment, right? Can't have you dragging Darcy all over London just to see me. It would be easier for me to come to you."

"You'd want to have Darcy with us?" She was stunned by Joe's sudden maturity.

Joe shrugged nonchalantly. "Course! She's number one in your life, isn't she? Plus I got to get her on my side. Make her my number one fan. Alfie and Zoe would be so jealous!"

The way she smiled told him he had said all the right things. He felt a weight just leave his chest at the dawning realization that all the waiting was paying off.

Once the cab reached her hotel, Joe escorted her up to her room, his hand never releasing hers. A part of him desperately wanted to kiss her, but another part wanted to wait and be the gentleman. After all, she had agreed to another date. He could kiss her then, he wasn't some horny teenager anymore.

By the time they reached the door to her room she had made up her mind about him. He spoke about taking a risk, well she's about to take her first step into the reckless. "Aren't you gonna kiss me, Joseph?"

Joe didn't stop to think nor did he care if others might be watching. The minute she consented his mouth found hers. Her lips were as soft and plump as he had imagined and it was everything worth waiting for. A hand cupped her face and a gentle thumb stroked her flawless cheek. The other wrapped around her and pulled her closer to him.

She was melting, melting against him and for a moment she wondered if she was still standing. He teased with soft kisses on her upper lip and then her lower before sinking down to kiss her jaw and the tender spot where neck and shoulder met. She felt him squeeze her tight as he was about to pull away and she knew she couldn't let him just yet.

"Joe." She said breathlessly, catching his eyes which were smoky with desire. She caught his lips this time and parted them with her own. He groaned at her boldness and slanted his mouth hard against hers. She grasped his coat and pulled him with her to her room. Joe shut the door clumsily behind him, his lips never leaving hers.

He glanced at the single bed, then at her and drew back long enough to ask, "Do you want to..."

Louise shook her head and kissed his cheek. "No, I just don't want you to go."

"Okay." He murmured, understanding and shrugged out of his coat, toeing off his shoes.

She kicked off her pumps and he helped her with her cardigan before they embraced in the bed and picked up where they left off.

She was beautiful amongst the white sheets; blond hair splayed out, eyes shimmering with affection and Joe was hard with desire, but this was not the night for sex, only intimacy, and one probably long overdue.

She gathered him close to him, wrapping her arms around his narrow waist. He was dark, mysterious and sensual above her and it was all she could do not to moan against his kiss. Her hands reached up to cup the back of his head and she ran her fingers through his mess of brown hair.

He chuckled as she tickled the nap of his neck before kissing her cheek and resuming his exploration of the soft body underneath him. Beneath his lips he found the scent of her neck, the hot pulse of her throat and groaned at the softness of her breasts.

Her heart was thrumming like mad and she was almost ready to explode. Had it been so long since she'd been so intimate? Probably.

"Joe." She protested gently, still stroking his hair.

He huffed hotly against her and held her tight, willing the madness to pass. "I'm here. Not going anywhere."

"Make yourself comfortable then." She murmured as she worked a few buttons free from his shirt, then helped him with the cuffs. She touched him unabashedly, smiling at the peeks of delightful muscles that were briefly underneath her fingertips.

Joe adored her touch and was reluctant to move away, but they wiggled around nonetheless to assume a more comfortable position on the bed. She tucked herself into his arms and he marveled at how easy it was.

They talked softly and shared kisses throughout the night until one of them dozed off. The other admired their beautiful companion until sleep came as well.

 _LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ_

 _Des'ree inspired this whole thing. I had her on repeat while banging this one out. If you're a little disappointed well get it over it. I could do kisses and I can even do some heavy petting, but I cannot make myself write sex about two real life people. I'd need their consent and I doubt that will ever happen, so just let your dreams go to that dirty place you all have. Plus I doubt Louise would give it up after one date. She deserves to be courted, good and proper._


	10. You Keep Me Looking Forward toAnotherDay

When Joe walked out of the hotel the next morning, he knew he was a sight. His coat was slung over his shoulder, shirt and trousers were wrinkled beyond repair. He probably had some make-up on his face that didn't completely wash off and his hair looked like it had been struck by lightning. The smug grin on his face made the assumption all the worse, but he didn't care.

His future looked a whole lot more exciting and as he hustled for home and some breakfast, he made a decision.

He won't hit Dan that hard and he'll let him keep his hair.

* * *

Louise packed her suitcase as she happily prepared to go back home to her bed, her cats and her precious Darcy. How she was going to carry her stuff and three dozen roses didn't even concern her. She hummed and giggled to herself as she thought of the night before. The future possibilities were frightening and yet not. She knew Joe and she knew herself. Time to see what they can do together.

Next to her was the open notebook and a new list had been added. However there were side notes added by a particular someone before he left.

 **Pros and Cons of Dating Joe**

 **Pros**

1\. Known him for years _Over 10 years!_

2\. Handsome _You bet!_

3\. Really good at snogging _Why thank you_

4\. Charming _Thank you again_

5\. Wants to include Darcy _Of course! Can't leave her out!_

6\. Love his family _and the Suggs love you!_

7\. Wants to go out with me _Definitely!_

8\. Sex? _Just you wait..._

 **Cons**

1\. What would Chummy think? _Don't worry about Zoe_

2\. Maturity level? _I've grown up! Trust me!_

3\. Got the legs of a scrawny chicken _I do not!_

4\. Eaten a lot of terrible things for Dare Sugg. _Gotta pay the bills, luv! I promise to wash out my mouth after I'm done_

5\. With Joe comes Caspar and Oli (Can I handle them?) _They'll be on their best behavior with you and Darcy, I promise! No pranks!_

6\. He farts _I'm only human! You fart too!_

7\. His fangirls might kill me _I'll save you_

 _8\. I might say something stupid or be grumpy, but know that I never mean to hurt you._

As she brushed her hair out, the music from her phone changed to "I Like the Way (The Kissing Game)" and the song now had a much more intimate meaning. Chuckling to herself she started singing along.

 **The End**

 **Author's Final Note: Weeks of research and a week of writing is done. I hope nobody gets offended. Bet has been fulfilled. Good Night Everybody!**


End file.
